Monday, March 31, 2014

Update in 2014, April Style

Not long ago, I was inspired to write this particular blog. Its been almost a year since I’ve updated my site, and I guess subconsciously my brain has been begging me to give her a spin. But before I get into things, I thought I’d give everyone an update on how my life have been.
To start, I am healthy! Yes and amen that season of my life is finally (pretty much) over. I live a decently normal life, and I no longer have to deal with the struggle that disease brought me. Praise Jesus J
I have found the love of my life, Caesar Rollice. We met at my previous job, and since then, we haven’t spent a week apart from each other. Its been an amazing growing process for the both of us, and we are so happy to see what God has in store J
I am currently a Nanny for a beautiful 3 month old little girl. It literally has been my dream job, and I am so incredibly blessed to get to care for such an amazing child day after day. I never thought I would have a job where I didn’t want the weekend to come.

But really, that’s why I am writing today. See, after my surgeries, I went through a very rough period of growing up. Making my own decisions (which most were bad), figuring out what I WANTED to do with my life, and trying to find who I REALLY AM, was a hard and reckless road I journeyed. About 8 months ago, with a ton of help from Caesar, I straightened up, pulled myself together, slapped myself around a bit, and realized that WASN’T the life I wanted to live.
College was a hard time. I was dealing strongly with panic attacks. I was dealing with depression. And adding that on top of school (which already doesn’t come easy to me), was too much. So yes, I dropped out of college. But yes, I will be going back.

Another thing that came as a shock, was the tremendous amount of guilt from many people in my life. Which of corse didn’t help with the depression and such. And to be honest, I do believe it was a major step in my whole “growing up process”. As painful as it was, I know that God used all of those (*achem*) people to wake me up, and realize that it is actually okay to make a decision of my own for once. Even if it’s a bad one. And even if no one agrees with it.

So there is the update. Thank you again to all who keep me in your thoughts and prayers. As much as I say the battle is over, it really quite isn't. But I will keep journeying on, one step at a time.

Love Love Love,

-Kaitlin










Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Decisions, Decisions...

Sometimes, do you ever get the feeling that your life isn't at all what you wanted it to be at this point along the road? Do you ever see a movie, or hear a song, or think of the dream you have always wanted to fulfill, and wonder what happened to that dream? What happened to it? Then you think, well, life happened. Good ol' life decided to step in and take charge. Right?

WRONG.

For the past year and a half, that had been my mindset. No matter what we do, we CAN NOT control what life holds, just gotta roll with the punches and move with the rhythm of the music. Its easy to fall in that rut, but when we do, that leaves no room for faith and hope. A few weeks back, Thi'sl posted something intriguing on Facebook, which got me thinking... He stated, "You can change your past by the way you choose to live today. 10 years from now what you do today, will be your past. Live with that in mind".

Now think about that for a minute. If we CHANGE the way we live today, years from now we will have CHANGED OUR FUTURE. Whether that be in your relationships, your diet, or even your spending. Sometimes, those things can be hard to change, especially if that is all we have ever known, but that's where God comes in.

Yup. GOD.

A friend recently pointed out to me that according to them, no matter what we want or desire, Gods plan will prevail against all odds. For a second, that statement sounds pretty solid. I mean, God does hold the key to our lives right? He did create us, He does have a PLAN for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11-13), He KNEW US in our mothers wombs (Jeremiah 1:5), but does that mean that NO MATTER WHAT His plan will prevail? I don't think it does.

First, I want you to think about every unborn baby that has been killed. Every life that is taken by starvation. Every murder. Every deadly disease or sickness. Now can you tell me THAT was Gods plan for those lives? You can't, because what good, perfect, and loving God would CAUSE such things to happen? He wouldn't. He doesn't. And He won't. Romans 8:28 talks about how even when we have bad things happen to us in life, God can USE that for some good purpose. In the very beginning of time, God created this world PERFECT. He didn't want any suffering, or any impurity. Genesis 1:31 says, "God saw all that he had made, and it was very good." Adam and Eve walked, on a daily basis, in a perfect world. I envy those two! But then, of course, Satan decided all that perfection shouldn't last. So with just a little sin, Gods perfect world was changed to all of its imperfectness. That is the first example ever stated in the Bible that Gods plan doesn't always prevail. Its in the VERY FIRST CHAPTER of the Bible.

Now, some of you thinkers out there might start wondering, "Well, if Gods plan doesn't always work out for our lives, does that mean WE are "controlling God", by controlling our lives?" GOOD QUESTION!

Lets look at James 4:13-17, "Now listen, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.’ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, ‘If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.’ As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them."

First, let me just say something. God wants us to decide. He gives us opportunities ever single day where we can make the wrong, or the right decisions. If we didn't have that option to decide, we would be like robots, there would be no point in our existence. We choose to follow the Lord. We choose to serve Him. Yes, He wants us all to be adopted into the Lords family, but He wants that to be OUR decision. How meaningful is a relationship, if YOU are the one forcing it? Its not at all. We love, because he FIRST loved us.

So here is what I'm getting at. YES, God has control over our lives, BUT we have to make the right decisions in our life to "fit" our life in His perfect plan. Its kind of like the story of the man stranded on top of his house in the middle of a giant flood. He believed that God had control, and was going to take care of him, yet he chose to make the wrong decisions. A life boat came to rescue him, yet he rejected it stating, "The Lord will take care of me!". Then, a helicopter came to save him, yet once again he stated, "The Lord will take care of me!". God gave him two opportunities to be rescued, yet he was naive, and rejected them both.

He made the wrong decisions.

So next time you have something to decide, whether it be small or big, make sure its the right one. If you truly seek the Lords guidance, He wont let you down. I always say, if God shuts a door somewhere, He has a gate wide open somewhere else. He wont take away something, or say no without having something so much greater waiting for you ahead.



So trudge forward with a smile!

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Friday, March 8, 2013

Growth Spurts



      Its been a while since I've posted anything on here, so I thought I might update everyone on my little life :) I have been recovering extremely well from surgery #3. We traveled to Dallas a few weeks back, and the doctors and nurses were amazed at how well I was doing, and how well all of our spirits were. Little do they know, we are just so happy that this road is OVER. Hallelujah! 

      School is going good. So far I have 2 A's and 1 B... and you would never believe which class I have the B in... MUSIC! Let me just say, that class is ridiculous. Its a bunch of stuff about classical music, and theory, all of which I have never been interested in... so I'm struggling just a bit. But besides that, I am loving school.
      I just got back in the swing of things up at the church with my worship position. I am loving leading worship for the 5th and 6th grade! Those kids are SO precious, and their heart for the Lord is so big. I get to see them grow closer to our maker, and that is such a blessing. The Lord is doing great things in Extreme!
      So as of right now, life is good. Not much to say except this road is almost over, this desert season is finally ending. God has been showing me some great things this past week in His word that I never have realized before in my life. So not only am I "growing" physically, with my recovery, but my spiritual walk has taken a big growth spurt as well. God is so good folks... I cant express it enough.

More to come when my brain is fully functioning and awake! Love you all <3

-Kait

My amazing team


Just a little clip of my sweet extreme group.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

The Blog I've Been Waiting to Write... SURGERY #3

Hello Fellow Friends, Family, and Prayer Warriors,

Its time for surgery #3! Thats right! It seems like yesterday I was first posting my first few paragraphs on here, and now here we are writing about the final step in this long process of getting better... YIPEE! The past few weeks have been filled with ABSOLUTELY NOTHING on my part... which has been sorta nice. Surgery #2 took quite a tole on my fragile body, and needless to say I was in EXTREME pain for about 3 weeks. Last week I started hurting so much more, I was feeling very sick, and was asking for way to many pain meds. Wednesday night I started running fever, so we scheduled a dr appointment for the next morning, bright and early. That was one of the hardest mornings for me, because mornings are already hard on me and tend to be the most painful, only to add feeling crappy, and at the time, ZERO pain meds. We were worried I had accidentally pulled some stitches apart and was leaking bowel into my body, so we were quite anxious to find out what was wrong with me. Dr. Young did a few tests, and soon walked in with a giant smile on his face, high fiveing my mom and says, "She has type B influenza!". He explained that the flu raises the bodies sensors and so all the cuts, and staples, and pain from the surgery two weeks prior, would be multiplied by 100. That explained all the pain... lovely lol. All three of us had never been so happy to know that someone had the flu. I was given Tamaflu, and within 24 hours, I was feeling SO MUCH better.

Books for 9 hours of classes... yyuuuyy
Tomorrow (Wednesday), we will travel to Dallas once again, to consult with Dr. Olsen about surgery #3. We will determine on a date, and he will look at me to make sure im still "up to par" for this next surgery. Surgery #3 is going to be super easy, and pretty painless. They will sew up the tiny hole in my small intestine that is being used as the ileostomy, then they will tuck that into my stomach (where it SHOULD BE i might add lol), and finally they will sew my stomach up. Easy peezy, as 1, 2, 3 folks!:)

I'm also hoping he will release me to WORK and DRIVE again. Now that i'm feeling better, I am so ready to see my friends, and make a little money. Spring is coming, and I need so new clothes... Right?!   HAHAHA:) Clothes or no clothes, I'm ready for spring to come. Spring means warm weather, watching my little bro play baseball (my favorite, and this year on our high school team!), and my birthday! I still haven't wrapped my mind around the fact that I will be 19... crazy y'all. Crazy.
This is pretty much what it looks like... lets tuck her in!
I'm also about to begin my online classes, which start the 14th. I got all the books yesterday, and im anxious to open them up and start reading already! But, i'm pacing myself, and I'm going to give myself until the actual day to open them, just because I know that 2 weeks into school, i'm already going to be hating it. I took 12 hours in high school, i'm taking 9 this semester, and 9 more this summer (broken up into two different semesters of corse)... that way by the time fall rolls around, I will be exactly where everyone else I graduated with and started with at WT is. CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE?! Yeah, i'm proud of what's about to go down:) I also FINALLY got an Instagram, and i'm addicted! You all post great photos! I know everyone and their dog are always like "go follow me, go follow me, go follow me, if you don't follow me you don't love jesus... ect.", but yes i'm guna do this: Go follow me!:) My username is kaitlinmckayla:) Ok, see, it wasn't that bad;)

These people... This place. LOVE
So with ALLLLLLLLLLL that being said, thats whats going down in the life of yours truly. Sometimes, i'm going to be honest and just say, sometimes I wish I could give up. Its easy to be strong and fighting and excited in the beginning, before the GIANT freight train hits you, then runs you over, then invites its friend trains, then they run you over to top it all off, which leaves you feeling like you've been hit by a freight train. *sigh*... But thats what I have my friends, family, and prayer warriors for. Its amazing to me to walk in United or Walmart and see a friend, or my moms friend, or my moms grandma's friends uncles son-in-law half removed, and for them to say that they are praying. It literally tear's me up EVERYTIME, to know just how many people are praying. You truly don't know what an impact you are making. So thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you to my family for being strong when I'm crying at night, or grouchy through the day cuz I'm ready for all this to end. Thank you to the few friends (you know who you are), who will talk to me for hours on the phone late at night when I just need to vent, or come and get me and take me to lunch, or come just to visit. Thank you everyone who prays for me every single day. Thank you for anyone who has ever prayed for me or my family... I am one blessed girl to be loved by so many.

This is the last step... Jesus is good. I will NEVER stop saying it.

I LOVE YOU ALL
-Kait

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

And a Happy New Year


Merry Christmas!!!
Im sorry I didn’t post anything during the process of this surgery. It was A LOT more painful than I thought it was going to be. But God is good, and we were able to come home for Christmas J

Its a White Christmas!
Our hospital Christmas meal
Merry Christmas!
            So Wednesday through Thursday was kind of a blur… I remember going in to the operating room, I remember getting the epidural, and I remember being in the ER, but I don’t remember a lot after that. The first few days were pretty miserable to be honest. I was in SO MUCH pain, I couldn’t do anything except lay on my back in bed and watch TV. Rolling over hurt, moving hurt, laughing hurt, and when it came time for me to “go for a walk”, I thought I might pass out. The first walk I took was a very slow, painful process, that included many tears, screams, and resistance. My poor parents were very patient with me as I grouched in anger, but it was one of the first steps on our check list of things to do before we were able to leave. The second was eating. At first I was begging for food, but once I was able to eat, my apitite was as small as a hampsters, and it almost made me sick. Day by day I was able to sit up without help and walk a little better, and each day I was slowly coming off all the morphine and pain meds they were giving me through my IV. On Saturday, my familys favorite restaurant La Madeline, gave us Christmas dinner! That was an experience, and it was super yummy! Pumkin pie and everything! It was nice to have something else except hospital foodJ
I miss my hair:(
They think im a fall risk... 
            Needless to say, im still very sore, but its so good to be home for Christmas. My follow up appointment is the 9th, and then we will deternmine when 3rd surgery will be. The disease is FINALLY GONE! PRAISE JESUS!

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS:
            -Grow closer to the Lord
            -Stay fit and work out
            -Grow out my hair
            -Make great grades in school
            -Learn to sing better
            _ :)

LOTS OF LOVE
-Kait

Monday, December 17, 2012

One More Day

Well, I guess it all comes down to this huh? The thought that keeps flowing through my mind is "where did time go?"... Its seems like yesterday we were just finding out I had this disease, and now I only have one more day of it being in my body. Period. No more meds... no more pain... none of it.
Tomorrow I have one final check up before surgery Wednesday morning... one more doctors visit with this disease still being in my body. I cant seem to wrap my mind around it... or the fact that I will never have to deal with it ever again.
I don't really have much to say... I think i'm mentally drained.

Thank you all for your prayers and support... It was good to see a lot of you before this second surgery, and I cant wait to be home again... healing for the final step.

In the end, all I can say is, God Is Good. No matter how much we have to go through, no matter how hard life may be, in the end He knows what He is doing, and I think I have finally realized this. I seriously wouldn't be where I am today without Him... This bumpy ride is almost over.

I love you all

-Kait

Friday, December 7, 2012

Surgery #2... THE UPDATE!!


Hello again:)
So its been a while since I’ve last posted anything on here, but I bring good news! I’ve been so blessed to be healing so well. I’ve been off ALL pain meds for a week now, and I have been able to slowly venture out into the world once again. I missed my friends so much, and can I just say I have THE BEST FRIENDS AND FAMILY IN ALL THE UNIVERSE! Whether it was coming out to see me when I was still weak, to taking me to lunch, or just taking me places in general, I have been showered with love! And I have also been SO BLESSED to know how many people have been praying for me and my family… the Lord is just so good:)
I love this woman
Now here’s the update: This past Thursday we flew down to Dallas for a final check-up before surgery. The surgeon was extremely pleased at how well I was doing, and he said I was ready for the next surgery!! Surgery date will be the 19th... We wanted to schedule it as soon as possible because we would like to be home for the holidays this year… last year Christmas and New Years was spent in the hospital, and needless to say it wasn’t the greatest. So on to surgery #2 we proceed!
And what is the next surgery for, you might ask? Well, let me explain. Last surgery, my entire colon was taken out, which in turn removed 95% of my disease. The surgeon told my parents that my colon was so inflamed that by this point I would have had to have surgery regardless of any medicine they could give me. Well, this next surgery (surgery #2), they will remove the rest of the disease, and build me a “J-Pouch” which will serve as a colon. This could be up to an 8 hour surgery, because of all the tedious work they will be performing. But, the doctors say it shouldn’t be as hard on me as the last one because I will not be as malnourished as I was, and my body wont be in as big of a shock. Also, my parents have a friend that is an anesthesiologist, and after telling him the great stories of my morphine experience, and how I was in SO much pain after surgery, he suggested to ask for an epidural.  So that should be interesting… hahaha
J-Pouch
But, I’m ready to get this show on the road once again. I feel like just as I’m starting to get better, I have to start all over again on the recovery and healing process… time couldn’t move fast enough! I did register for 3 classes online for the spring semester, in which I will be taking Math (Jesus help me:/), English, and Music Appreciation. I’m so looking forward to being busy with school… well maybe. I’m pretty sure I’m going to love it for like 2 days then be like “why did I ever miss this?!?!?!” But I don’t want to be behind, so school time it is!
So, as of right now, pray that my body and spirit will be ready for this next surgery. And thank you yet again for all the prayers and support for my family… we have really needed it and its so nice to know we have wonderful friends and family that will always be there for us… I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

Hugs and Kisses


                                    -Kaitlin